A parent's journey #2 - Birth journal
2024-08-07
It was early July, we were seeing the due date approaching, our close family had made bet one when he would show up, but the reality is that we had no clue. There are supposed to be signs, like the baby "dropping" a couple a weeks prior, more contractions, or even less reliable ones. But really we had none.
Our birth plan
Really it's my wife's birth plan, because I'm not the one having my body going through birth here. But we talked about it extensively, because to support her properly, and maybe being her choices' advocate, I had to know exactly what she wanted.
The plan itself was pretty simple: have the delivery be as natural as possible.
What it means is that we would rather wait than trying to rush things medically, avoid the epidural unless the situation is really unbearable and for too long, etc. The main underlying idea, is that her body is made for that. So unless her or the baby's health is at risk, it's usually beneficial to let it do its job. There can downsides to the medical assistance as well.
Her main point, or maybe I should say fear, was to avoid the C-section unless it was *absolutely* necessary. Even if it's common, it's still a heavy surgical operation. And for a first baby, it means future babies will have to be delivered this way also.
Due date + 2 - Day 1 - 9:40am
Her water broke. She yelled from upstairs. It was exactly like in the movies. She was frozen on top of a puddle of clear water. At this point we were really excited because it was finally here. But we also had no idea what to do, even though we were preparing for that for what it seems was forever.
I grabbed our stack of birth related paper, and found the one about early labor, while my wife was frantically googling it.
Of course, like for everything else, they have an acronym for it: COAT - Color/Odor/Amount/Time. In short, it's so you don't mix it up with peeing yourself. We were pretty sure she didn't, so we figured that we had to call the midwife on call.
They use a pager. This thing disappeared so quickly so I'm fairly sure that I have never actually used/called one. So obviously we fucked it up somehow, and ended up calling the hospital directly 30 minutes later as it was instructed, to ask to be called back.
Day 1 - 10:45am
We could finally have the midwife on the phone. We were told to come to the hospital anytime before 6:00pm. Hoping to wait long enough for the contraction to pick up, we decided that unless things were happening really fast, we would go there at 6:00pm.
One big thing we've been told multiple times is to no come too early. It doesn't change anything and in early labor it's much more pleasant to wait at home.
Oh also we were told not to have sex. I wonder if it happens often that people have sex during labor. Anyway.
Day 1 - Until 6:00pm
The day went by pretty fast. I think I mostly did chores. The type of chores you would do before going on vacations, so you can retrieve your house in a nice state: dishes, a load of dishwasher, a load of laundry, clear up papers accumulated on the coffee tables, stuff like that.
I don't remember exactly all that we did, but we couldn't really get into anything that would require too much focus because we were very excited and impatient. Life was going to be tough on our patience.
Day 1 - 6:00pm
We arrive at the hospital, I can park on the labor temporary space. There hasn't been any contraction yet. We fill a couple of papers and are sent to the fourth level, labor and delivery.
We haven't been in the hospital before. So obviously, everything is confusing, and also it looks so empty. There isn't anybody in the main hallways. I haven't been much in hospital, so I don't know if it's common.
Day 1 - 7:00pm
We have been put in a triage room. Things get real. Nurses have monitored the mother and baby's heart rate, as well as contractions. Everything is fine. Not much of any contractions.
Then we saw midwife Lisa. First, she tested the water to make sure that it was a 100% broken water. It was.
She explained what it means. There is no longer any protection around the baby and "up there", so there is a much higher risk of infection. It's not something that should be messed with. When the water broke, it started a timer for the delivery. And the longer we had to wait until then, the higher the risk of infection was.
That's also why they didn't check her cervix dilation, to avoid bringing any bacteria in.
We then had multiple options:
- medically induce the labor using Pitocin, which is a syntetic version of the contraction hormone oxytocin.
- take a drug call Cytotec, which has a side effect of softening the cervix and induce labor. It's not a very aggressive drug, and the point is more to "kick start" body and the labor process, rather forcing it. It might not work though.
- wait longer
Advised by the midwife, my wife decided to wait until 10:00pm (~12h after water broke), and then try Cytotec if the contractions have not started.
Note that they'll continue to monitor the mom and baby, and as long as both are fine, we can do more or less what we want. Otherwise, obviously, we'll take the appropriate medical decision.
Also, the midwives' 12 hours shift is from 8:00 to 8:00, so we'll have another midwife at 8:00pm.
Day 1 - 8:30pm
We finally moved out of triage and went to the labor and delivery room... across the hallway.
I went to grab our bags from the car, and in the meantime, the new midwife - Meg - came to talk to my wife. I don't know if she's overwhelmed, but she was not really able to give me the content of that conversation. It boiled down to "we're able to wait as long as we can unless something's wrong".
Day 1 - 9:00pm
We're finally set up in the room, I can go move the car. The temporary parking space is supposed to be up to two hours. I was able to park almost next to the temporary space. According to the receptionist lady, having this parking space available is like a golden ticket.
Day 1 - 9:15pm
My wife gets a breast pump and used it for 15 minutes for "nipple stimulation", as it can sometimes trigger uterine contraction.
We're not really explained how it works, and I think the way she used it was pretty painful.
Spoiler: we'll have that pump around for the rest of our stay in the hospital and won't use it again.
Day 1 - 9:30pm
Nurse Heather checked baby's vitals, everything is fine. My wife's is not stuck in bed with monitoring devices. They just check things every hour or so.
Day 1 - 9:45pm
We order food. We have a menu, and then order room service by phone. Pretty cool. She got a salad and soup, and a cheese burger for me.
Day 1 - 10:30pm
New nurse, Savannah. Baby vitals are good. Food arrives.
Day 1 - 11:30pm
Still nothing. We asked midwife Meg to try Cytotec.
They starts monitoring the baby for 20 minutes. Then they'll give my wife the medication, then they'll monitor both for 1h.
She has to stay on the bed for that. It's late, she's getting tired. They offered her some meds to sleep as well, she declined.
Night
Uneventful. I slept a little. She didn't really.
The nurse is coming every hour to monitor the baby for 20 minutes. Every 3 hours, the monitoring lasts 1 hour.
This type of monitoring is 2 distinct devices that are strapped to the mother's belly with big belts around her. I think one is for the baby's heartbeat, the other one is for contractions. So it's not possible to move out of the bed, and it can not be installed discreetly.
Day 2 - 6:00am
We briefly talked to midwife Meg who said the next midwife, Claire, whose shift starts at 8:00am, will probably suggest Pitocin/labor inducing.
My wife was not happy about the idea (see birth plan section for why), but on the other hand we were about to hit the 24h mark, and there was still no regular contractions. Which means that the Cytotec did not work well enough for her body to really start labor.
Day 2 - 8:30am
We discussed our options with Claire and new nurse, Starla. We discussed the effects of Pitocin and the epidural.
Claire tested the cervix for the first time since we were in the hospital: dilated 2cm. We were not thrilled by that result, but as she said "it's better than 0, that would be a different story". I guess it means that at least *something* was going on.
We decide that we'll start Pitocin and hopefully speed things up.
Day 2 - 9:00am
We had breakfast from room service. We didn't realize at that point we could get a million things. Oh well.
Day 2 - 10:30am
Nurse Starla installed the IV and we start Pitocin.
Note that it's a med that starts super low, and they increase the dose step by step. I don't know what unit it is, but we start at 1 (I assume, I don't remember), and we can go up to 30 with an increment of 1 every X depending on the contractions.
I remember asking how long should we expect it to last after starting Pitocin. The nurse and midwife were reluctant to give me any number, but my understanding was that it was unlikely to happen before the evening, and possibly even the next night/morning.
I don't remember that conversation at that point, but I wrote it down, so it must have been mentioned: my wife has more or less made the decision that she'll have an epidural. She's too tired, and we still have a long road ahead of us.
Day 2 - 11:45am
The IV is quite painful and really uncomfortable because it's in the wrist, so she can't bent her wrist. Any time she tries to adjust herself in the bed, it's a huge challenge and pain.
Someone else is trying to put the IV in her other arm. It fails and the vein blows.
Day 2 - 12:30pm
At least Pitocin works, contractions are still light but every 3 to 6 minutes.
Day 2 - 12:45pm
We order food. My wife is on clear liquid diet due to the meds, so she'll have to order broth. She negociated and was allowed to order chocolate milk to get some proteins.
I order nuggets and fries. My solidarity has its limits.
Day 2 - 12:50pm
They brought in a doctor that used to be a doctor in the military, and is supposedly good at... veins. He ended up saying that there was not other easily accessible vein for the IV. The ones he found were too deep and were going to be more painful.
I'm not sure when, but at some point they brought a machine that "highlights" the veins as well, without success.
She was still unhappy about the IV, but at least it really felt like their best.
Day 2 - Afternoon
My wife asked to go out of bed. So they made the monitoring thing wireless and carried on the IV pole. We walked for a while in the hallway, while slowly feeling more contractions and increasing Pitocin.
She also took an hour bath in the late afternoon which felt good, and I took a nap.
Day 2 - 6:45pm
Nurse Starla installed a new type of monitoring device that's more portable. It's supposedely less reliable, but at least much more convenient.
Claire did another cervix test: 3cm - 90% tickness. That's 1 cm in almost 12 hours, and more than half under Pitocin.
We feel defeated. They're encouraging saying that the beginning is the slowest and things can move pretty fast after a certain point.
Day 2 - 7:30pm
Ordered dinner. Pitocin raised to 8. Contractions are quite strong and regular.
Savannah the nurse is back, and gave us a spike ball to distract my wife from the pain. I massage her feet during the contractions as another distraction.
Let's take a minute also to appreciate the nurses. They work really difficult hours as they do long night shifts. They are always extremely nice and helpful, even though I assume it would be easy to loose sensitivity doing this every day. But also the spike ball I mentioned, they bought it with their own money, it's not from the hospital. That's crazy to me. They were really all amazing.
Day 2 - 10:00pm
Contractions are getting pretty bad. We start walking in the hallway. It's a weird frantic walk, the hallway is not very long, and there is the nurse kiosk in the middle who watch us doing that for hours.
Pitocin upped to 9.
Day 3 - 1:00am
She is exhausted. It's 1am, the walking, dealing with the contractions, the night before with no sleep, it's just too much. She asks for an epidural.
Day 3 - 1:15am
The contractions are suddenly unbearable. She has to scream. I awkwardly press her hips which seems to help a lot. There is some crying.
We're glad the epidural is coming, but what are they doing?!
Day 3 - 2:10am
The epidural is active and has taken effect after what was probably the most painful hour of her life.
We definitely couldn't have gone through "natural" birth in these conditions. Especially because we're still far from done. So I'm glad she made that choice.
We've learned later that:
- Pitocin induced contractions are usually more painful than regular ones
- Contractions are *a lot* more painful after the water broke, and in our case it was long gone. The image given was that the liquid acts as cushion when the uterus contracts.
Now that the pain is gone, I hoped she could finally get some sleep.
Day 3 - 6:00am
We've been mostly sleeping since 2, in between bladder emptying and position changes.
New cervix check: 6cm dilated. We're getting there. Slowly. 3cm in 12 more hours.
Day 3 - 9:00am
Nothing new. She's sleeping. Pitocin at 15.
Day 3 - 12:00pm
My wife has to change position very often. Any time she stays on one side more than 10 minutes she starts to feel a painful numbness on the higher side. It is to be expected because the epidural drug uses gravity to spread. But it's becoming generally hard.
Midwife Rochelle does another cervix check: 9.5cm and baby is +1 down. Fucking finally. Next time the midwife comes, in a couple of hours, we should be good.
Day 3 - 2:30pm
Nurse Morgan is here to move my wife for the bazillionth time. The midwife is delivering another baby but should be here soon. She suggests to start pushing, as it can take a little while (like 3 hours for a first baby...), and we go for it.
To my surprise, the nurse is holding one leg, and I'm holding the other, while my wife does her best to push using all her strength, in sessions of 3x10 seconds.
I was somehow picturing that I would be holding her hand and caress her head, but instead I was in the front row of the action.
She pushed for a little more than an hour. The midwife Rochelle and her student Renee came in at some point. My wife wanted to push squatting, so she did that on the bed with a handle at some point.
Day 3 - 3:42pm - Birth
Then we starting seeing the head poking during the pushes, and a few minutes later an entire baby came out.
Baby Bobby was born.
I was not doing great. That baby was not crying like in the movies. He was purple, came in with a wave of blood and brown liquid and with the cord around his neck. I was probably very pale because someone said something and asked me if I needed to leave the room. I didn't.
They cut the cord immediately, I didn't want to. They took the baby to a dedicated table, with people that probably came in at some point. They made him spit up liquid, vacuumed some, and he was finally crying and getting some natural colors. I felt overwhelmed, but relieved.
Then they cleaned him a little, and weighted him.
4.175kg, 9lbs 3oz. A big boy. My wife and I are both fairly short, so we were really surprised. I was a tiny baby when I was born, less than 3kg (6lbs 10oz).
Then, we both went back to my wife, who wasn't doing great. She was shaking a lot. Her entire body, and her jaw, which is an awful feeling. They tried to put the baby on her for skin-to-skin, but she asked to remove him. With the shaking, she had a hard time breathing. I believe she was in survival mode.
That decision of refusing the baby had a very deep impact on her in the next few days, and she felt really guilty about it. Later, she kept mentioning that it was supposed to be the golden hour... I think she had a very specific idea in her head of what would happen once she had the baby.
Anyway, while she was trying to recover, I did skin-to-skin with the baby on an armchair, a little far from the bed. He was no longer crying and I was a little lost with that (not so) tiny human on me.
There were a lot of people in the room. I tried to ask a couple of times what was happening and if my wife was fine, but I couldn't really get an answer. To be fair, all these people were here for a reason, doing their job, which was not taking care of me. A woman was sited in front of opened legs, so I assumed she had tear, but I couldn't really figure out more than that.
It lasted almost 2 hours, a quite blurry time, until things started to calm down. I finally was able to ask someone to pass me my phone sitting on a table so I could announce the good news to our families.
I learned later that she hemorrhaged pretty bad and that their had a hard time stopping the bleeding. She lost 1.3L of blood which, even with the increase during pregnancy and a lot of IV liquid, is a lot of blood!
After these two hours, she was finally feeling better, and could take the baby on her chest for a little while. I took a few baby pictures, and we got ready to be moved to the postpartum wing of the hospital.
What a beginning of a journey.
